Writing During an Apocalypse

I don’t think I’ve said this yet.

I’m a fiction author, and I specialize in literary fiction and speculative/horror short stories and novellas. I’ll go into my writing history in another blog post. Right now, my dream is securing agent representation and getting traditionally published. At this point, I literally want nothing more in life than that.

I had a story collection with my editor. After skimming it, she told me that many of the stories were good enough to be sent to literary magazines as they were. That made me excited, and soon, an agent actually requested the full manuscript after reading a sample! I was almost there. Over 15 years of polishing my craft, and I was almost there…

So, I got my editor’s notes back recently and I was excited to have that squared away so I could really start submitting them. However, imagine my surprise when I got this back:

There were over 800 edits! Most of the pages looked like this, just stuffed to the rafters with edits and comments. Now, don’t get me wrong. I totally appreciate all of the effort and pretty much all of the edits are justified. Hell, that’s what I paid for, right? That’s a damn good editor right there! Money well spent. But it was the mental whiplash that was messing me up. I went from believing that my manuscript was pretty close to being completely finished to being basically back at the drawing board. Imagine climbing a mountain and struggling your way to the summit, only to see this:

On top of that, I got a rejection from the editor who had requested the manuscript. Here’s what she said:

Not gonna lie, for a day or two, it all set my confidence back pretty far.

However, once I pulled myself together and talked to some people in my inner circle, I did some self-assessing. Here’s the facts:

1. The stories in that collection were all written at least 10 years ago. I feel like I am a MUCH better writer now than I was then. But, as with anything else, over time, we tend to see and remember things the way we have always envisioned them rather than what they actually are. I’ve moved onto other projects, so my view of those stories grew hazy over time and I began remembering them for the way they were meant to be. Looking over them now, I see what my editor was saying. Most of the stories were written when I was experimenting with techniques and ideas, but hadn’t yet mastered them. Many of my editor’s comments pointed out things that I’d NEVER do now. I’m actually rather embarrassed.
2. My editor actually planted the seed for an incredible idea that, if done correctly, will add an amazing layer of depth to the whole collection. That’s makes the prospect of revising all of those stories exciting.
3. Going back to that agent’s rejection, on a second read with a clear mind, it’s not actually a rejection: it’s an invitation to give it another shot. She actually told me which stories she liked and what she liked about them. That, coupled with my editor’s feedback, is my blueprint to success. As my editor said, many agents wouldn’t offer that level of encouragement and feedback. This was actually a blessing in disguise.
4. I also have an opportunity to apply what I’ve learned over the years to bring these up to the level as everything else I have. Because in the end, that’s what we are all doing as writers, right? Everything we write should be a little bit better than the last thing we wrote. Even if your improvement is an inch and not a mile, it’s still improvement. And I’m so excited to see what I can do to make these stories better.

This experience has shown me that while my hunger and desire to be better are some of my greatest strengths, they still need to be reined in. Being overeager can cause you to misread your own work and jump the gun. But it all also forces me remember the process and the journey instead of the destination. There’s no timeline for finding the right agent for me or for publishing a book. There’s no ticking clock for most of us. For new writers, no one knows who you are. You’re not under any deadlines, no one is clamoring for your work. So enjoy the quiet and the freedom you have to work on your writing in peace. Take it as far as you can. Sometimes setbacks are really progress. Silver linings and all that.

After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb – Nelson Mandela